He was admitted to hospital and stents were put in. Andy was struggling from chest pain, and so I took him to the doctors. When I came back from a trip in 2017, I immediately knew something wasn’t right. He was a stay-at-home dad while I travelled for work. We welcomed our son, Finn, in 2007 and things between us were perfect. He didn’t have a ring at the time, so he proposed to me properly at Chester Zoo by the wallaby enclosure. At the end, he asked me if I wanted to get married. He asked me to move in with him after just a few months, before we went on a luxury all-inclusive break to Jamaica. Our life together was full of fun: we had adventures and crazy weekends away. He worked for the Greater Manchester Police, I ran an events company. We met on, back when it was embarrassing to date online. Nicky met Andy in early 2000s, with the pair being together nearly 20 years (Picture: Supplied) People that think checking in isn’t sexy…well, maybe you’re not being creative enough to make that conversation sexy? Talking about what the possibilities can be part of foreplay. I was the one in control of what was occurring, but I wanted to ensure each experience felt safe – we did things with respect and we would have regular check ins with everything we did. It felt like I reclaimed my body.īefore the pandemic, I enjoyed relationships with younger men with a different sexual dynamics. The first time I had sex out of my marriage with a man, I squirted for the first time in years. My first experience with a woman allowed me to figure out what I wanted – it was a tonne of fun. I wanted to see how it worked and whether it still enjoyed sex. I no longer cared what my body looked like. All the fears of being judged for my body, for my stretchmarks, all those feelings imposed on us by society…they melted away. It was with someone I knew well, and it felt like a safe, loving place to explore. I’m bisexual but hadn’t been with girls, so after my divorce, one of my first encounters was with a woman.

It was frightening, but I forced myself to plunge in and embrace my sexuality. I was scared when we separated in my 40s – my body was different, my attitude was different. I got married in my thirties – we were together for 10 years and had two kids, but we had a mismatch of needs. CJ started exploring her sexuality after her divorce (Picture: Supplied)

Classic heart of the wild